I spoke with a man that was worth hundreds of millions of dollars recently. The stock market and the economy is in turmoil. I called looking for advice, and heard a voice in panic, fear, and in a dizzy tirade of pessimism and worry. Now keep in mind, he's got more money than anyone I know personally, and more money to last for generations, and he was distraught.....I started to wonder if I called the right person for advice.
I started to feel worse and worse and abruptly got off the phone. Why? Because it was the last thing I needed to hear. We may be in an economic crisis, but panic does not have to happen. You choose your ability to cope, and fear is not coping. It occurred to me afterwards, that the 10 minute rant I just heard was because this person identifies himself with his worth and his money. Perhaps he lost $50 -$100 million this year. But although he has hundreds of millions left, he was feeling worthless.
I learned a long time ago that I am not my finances. Nor am I to be defined by any single facet of my character or my life. I am not just a businessman, nor am I not just a father, or just a husband, or just a friend, or just a real estate investor, or just a men's grooming products owner, etc. There are many things that make up my self identity.
I have 4 kids, but if the economy fails, I know that I would find a way to feed them and educate them, and raise them right. So what if they don't live in a mansion or attend the best schools. I know what resiliency means.
My maternal grandfather knew about resiliency. In a third world country, he provided for 7 children and 2 grandchildren. He worked many jobs, raised his own poultry and livestock, his own vegetables, and even became a boxer to make a living. He built his own house with his own hands, and educated all his kids. When things got really bad, at the age of 51 he moved out of his home country and to New York. He learned a new trade - furniture refinishing, and made a decent living doing it. He lived for 14 years after arriving in New York, before passing at the age of 65. He had 3 homes, and acres of land in Florida. This was in 1991. He bought everything with 20% down. He took one vacation in 14 years, and did not spend any money unnecessarily. He bought a car at the age of 60. Imagine if he had come to New York at the age of 16. I'll never forget in 1983 there was a huge flood in Western Queens. The city had heavy rain that caused the sewers to flood, along with the East river, There was 3 feet of water or more everywhere. My grandfather woke up early, and was silent. He left his shoes at home and left. He returned 3 hours later with an electric pump, essentially pumping all the water out of his house. Now this was 1983. He did not own a car, and there was no Home Depot or Walmart nearby. This was a coupe. Resiliency. He saw me complete 2 years of college before his heart gave out. When he passed, he left all he had in cash underneath the mattress. Given today's economic crisis, he was wiser than he appeared. He nevery made a lot of money, but he didn't alot either. His estate today would be worth millions. His life insurance was passed on to my grandmother, along with his pension.
The moral of the story is that my friend worth hundreds of millions (born with a silver spoon in his mouth) couldn't handle one week of the stock market crashing, but my Grandfather (who never went to high school) was silently able to find an electric pump in 1983 during a flood (and without shoes.) and pump out the water in his house. There was alot of damage, but he wasn't panicking. I hope I have that kind of gene....always.
We are living in times of the great flood - a flood of economic distress. People of this nation survived it in the 1930's. They came out spendthrift, and with good economic sense. My wife doesn't understand these people. But we are a different generation now, and now one likes to be called cheap or careful with money. Everyone wants a home from MTV cribs. Everyone wants a new car every 3 years. No one wants to save 1 years rent or mortgage payments. As the Dalai Lama says, "there is much on display in the window, but nothing in the store......"and now nothing in the stock room.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Legends of the Fall (of 89)
During the summer of 1989, I had just graduated high school, and was eagerly anticipating starting Albany in the fall. I was working 80hrs a week at a cafe in lower Manhattan, and didn't take a day off all summer. I was a machine, completely focused on saving as much as possible, so that I can pay my tuition and have some thing left over to live on. I didn't have time for girls, though 2 cute girls at the cafe both sent me love notes (I was a machine - and didn't need girls, family, or friends.) I was an existentialist at the age of 17, after reading The Stranger by Camus.
I received a letter from my roommate to be, a kid from Long Island. I read the letter, and threw it away. I would not respond to some nice doofus from Suffolk County. After all, I was a machine.
The universe is always listening, and sometimes, God steps in and plays card dealer at the casino of life. In the summer of 1989, this is exactly what God did.
My roommate was the complete opposite of me. He was a suburban kid, that never worked before. He was a great high school wrestler, and a state champion racquetballer . Joe also had a girlfriend he intended to marry, and drove a new Nissan sports car he had received as a 16th birthday gift. He whined and complained. He cried over missing his girlfriend who was attending college at Binghamton. He was blond haired and blue eyed, and light hearted, and wore a cross.
I was a machine. I was determined to do well in college, and get a job, and become rich. I disliked him the first day I met him. He listened to all the 80's hair bands like Winger, Poison, Guns and Roses. I was into Public Enemy. Something happened, and some how after a year together, we really bonded and I learned about the other side. We were only roommates Freshman year, Joe transferred to Binghamton to be with his girlfriend, with whom he broke up shortly thereafter. I never saw him again. I never had a better roommate or friend the entire time I was in college.
3 weeks ago I get an email from Joe, who found me on facebook, we got together at a Fridays in Melville. It was Saturday afternoon, typical for July, sweltering, sticky heat. It had been 18 years since we saw each other. And after 3 hours, we didn't want to leave the bar. It was like seeing my long lost brother. Joe is now a chiropractor, on his second marriage, and is experiencing a spiritual awakening. He looks better now than he did in college. Once again the universe has brought us together, this time we just don't know why....yet. But there's always a reason. There's always a season. And there will always be the Fall of 1989.
I received a letter from my roommate to be, a kid from Long Island. I read the letter, and threw it away. I would not respond to some nice doofus from Suffolk County. After all, I was a machine.
The universe is always listening, and sometimes, God steps in and plays card dealer at the casino of life. In the summer of 1989, this is exactly what God did.
My roommate was the complete opposite of me. He was a suburban kid, that never worked before. He was a great high school wrestler, and a state champion racquetballer . Joe also had a girlfriend he intended to marry, and drove a new Nissan sports car he had received as a 16th birthday gift. He whined and complained. He cried over missing his girlfriend who was attending college at Binghamton. He was blond haired and blue eyed, and light hearted, and wore a cross.
I was a machine. I was determined to do well in college, and get a job, and become rich. I disliked him the first day I met him. He listened to all the 80's hair bands like Winger, Poison, Guns and Roses. I was into Public Enemy. Something happened, and some how after a year together, we really bonded and I learned about the other side. We were only roommates Freshman year, Joe transferred to Binghamton to be with his girlfriend, with whom he broke up shortly thereafter. I never saw him again. I never had a better roommate or friend the entire time I was in college.
3 weeks ago I get an email from Joe, who found me on facebook, we got together at a Fridays in Melville. It was Saturday afternoon, typical for July, sweltering, sticky heat. It had been 18 years since we saw each other. And after 3 hours, we didn't want to leave the bar. It was like seeing my long lost brother. Joe is now a chiropractor, on his second marriage, and is experiencing a spiritual awakening. He looks better now than he did in college. Once again the universe has brought us together, this time we just don't know why....yet. But there's always a reason. There's always a season. And there will always be the Fall of 1989.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
The Heart is a Lonely Hunter
This week, the woman that took care of my oldest son for three years, and my second son for a year, passed away at the age of tender age of 45 from liver cancer. She was diagnosed in Feb. She was a family friend, from the same village in Guyana that me, my parents, and all my ancestors were from. In other words, she was one of us- she walked the same soil, drank the same well water, ate the same foods, and came from the same impoverished background.
.......I went to see her on Easter Sunday. She was still smiling, and happy that I brought my oldest son to see her. She said she did not understand why she was dying. Her request for treatment turned into a meeting about a hospice. She did not drink. She never smoked. She never argued or gave anyone attitude. This is no exaggeration - she was as kind and as gentle a soul as I have ever met. Our nanny cameras showed my son (at 2 years of age) hitting her when she took away candy or tried to put him to sleep. She sat there and allowed him to do it.
.......She did not marry until she was 40. She did what every one always told her, and remained a virgin until she married (she shared this info with my wife.) She married an older man with bad health (15 years her senior.) The only thing she every wanted out of life was to have her own child. She waited until she was 40, only to discover her husband was sterile. This broke her heart, but she remained married to him for 5 years, until her death on Sunday. She did not believe in divorce, and her attitude was that a wife should stand by her husband. Her husband had a heart attack a few years ago, and his diabetes is out of control. She was still young enough to remarry (she did not know him very well after a year.) But she stood by him. He was incapable of caring for her when she was ill. A neighbor came and made her meals and helped her bath. Her husband stood by and didn't notify her family of how ill she had grown.
.......I hear people complain about their lives, about their spouses, and about their kids. What right do you have to complain about your life? What right do you have to complain about your kids - all this woman wanted out of life was to have a child of her own to take care of. She never complained once, was even smiling as she laid in her casket. And yet you complain about your circumstances, but you have the ability to change your circumstances, you just lack the courage. Some beleive in good and evil, reward and punishment, positive and negative. Religions teach us nothing, and help empower our lack of courage - too often we sit and wait for God to save us from ourselves. I believe in action and consequences, and often no action still leads to greater consequences.
.......I wish she had taken more charge of her life, and had never married such an old, sick man, who was just looking for someone to care for him in his old age. But she did not believe this to be her calling. I wish she wasn't robbed of happiness, and robbed of a full life. She took excellent care of my son, and often cooked me amazing meals. She made the best curry dishes, the kind only my mother and grandmother can make. My son, now 8, would still call her and talk to her, although she left us to care for her husband 3 years ago. Maybe heaven is short on good souls this week, and needed to add her to the roster. I will miss her tremendously. When I told my sons, they were shocked, and the older one took it hard. I explained that she is going to watch over them, like an angel. They asked if she would get wings.....I said "without a doubt." Ronika, we will always speak of you fondly for years to come. Thankyou for everything.
Take charge of your life. Do what you need to do. Children are a blessing, a reminder of whats important in life. Your job is not you. Your finances are not you. The essence of who you are needs to flourish and expand. Be good to your soul.
.......I went to see her on Easter Sunday. She was still smiling, and happy that I brought my oldest son to see her. She said she did not understand why she was dying. Her request for treatment turned into a meeting about a hospice. She did not drink. She never smoked. She never argued or gave anyone attitude. This is no exaggeration - she was as kind and as gentle a soul as I have ever met. Our nanny cameras showed my son (at 2 years of age) hitting her when she took away candy or tried to put him to sleep. She sat there and allowed him to do it.
.......She did not marry until she was 40. She did what every one always told her, and remained a virgin until she married (she shared this info with my wife.) She married an older man with bad health (15 years her senior.) The only thing she every wanted out of life was to have her own child. She waited until she was 40, only to discover her husband was sterile. This broke her heart, but she remained married to him for 5 years, until her death on Sunday. She did not believe in divorce, and her attitude was that a wife should stand by her husband. Her husband had a heart attack a few years ago, and his diabetes is out of control. She was still young enough to remarry (she did not know him very well after a year.) But she stood by him. He was incapable of caring for her when she was ill. A neighbor came and made her meals and helped her bath. Her husband stood by and didn't notify her family of how ill she had grown.
.......I hear people complain about their lives, about their spouses, and about their kids. What right do you have to complain about your life? What right do you have to complain about your kids - all this woman wanted out of life was to have a child of her own to take care of. She never complained once, was even smiling as she laid in her casket. And yet you complain about your circumstances, but you have the ability to change your circumstances, you just lack the courage. Some beleive in good and evil, reward and punishment, positive and negative. Religions teach us nothing, and help empower our lack of courage - too often we sit and wait for God to save us from ourselves. I believe in action and consequences, and often no action still leads to greater consequences.
.......I wish she had taken more charge of her life, and had never married such an old, sick man, who was just looking for someone to care for him in his old age. But she did not believe this to be her calling. I wish she wasn't robbed of happiness, and robbed of a full life. She took excellent care of my son, and often cooked me amazing meals. She made the best curry dishes, the kind only my mother and grandmother can make. My son, now 8, would still call her and talk to her, although she left us to care for her husband 3 years ago. Maybe heaven is short on good souls this week, and needed to add her to the roster. I will miss her tremendously. When I told my sons, they were shocked, and the older one took it hard. I explained that she is going to watch over them, like an angel. They asked if she would get wings.....I said "without a doubt." Ronika, we will always speak of you fondly for years to come. Thankyou for everything.
Take charge of your life. Do what you need to do. Children are a blessing, a reminder of whats important in life. Your job is not you. Your finances are not you. The essence of who you are needs to flourish and expand. Be good to your soul.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Inertia in Life
Inertia, in physics, is the resistance an object has to change its state of motion. In life, inertia is simple, keep doing what you've been doing and nothing will change.
In Physics, inertia can be effected by force, speed, mass, and therefore leading to momentum. Okay lets make it simple- you want something in life - something big....like....money, happiness, love, family, a big house, a expensive car, etc. But,in the current the direction your life is headed, you don't think you will obtain this. So what do you do? You need to change the course of your inertia, but a powerful impact that will create momentum in your life, and alter your life's trajectory. What can do this? Marriage, a relationship, moving far away, changing jobs, changing businesses, changing the way you think, a spiritual experience, an emotional experience, allowing yourself to be influenced, and .....taking wild spontaneous action!
So, my business recently slowed down drastically (housing crisis.) I just found a completely new business importing stuff from China, with a partner (my former landlord.) If I did nothing while business slowed down (inertia) I would be like every other real estate broker in the US. But I need a different source of income (change in trajectory) and I need it now (step on the velocity) and now I'm excited and feeling optimistic (momentum.)My High school physics teacher would be proud.
Its that simple. Our lives are life a giant rock floating slowly in space. If we don't apply a great deal of energy, we will drift endlessly in a direction we did not plan for. Its so easy to be poor and unfulfilled. Its takes courage, energy, and action to be wealthy and happy. Muster it up. And leave the inertia to the physics books.
In Physics, inertia can be effected by force, speed, mass, and therefore leading to momentum. Okay lets make it simple- you want something in life - something big....like....money, happiness, love, family, a big house, a expensive car, etc. But,in the current the direction your life is headed, you don't think you will obtain this. So what do you do? You need to change the course of your inertia, but a powerful impact that will create momentum in your life, and alter your life's trajectory. What can do this? Marriage, a relationship, moving far away, changing jobs, changing businesses, changing the way you think, a spiritual experience, an emotional experience, allowing yourself to be influenced, and .....taking wild spontaneous action!
So, my business recently slowed down drastically (housing crisis.) I just found a completely new business importing stuff from China, with a partner (my former landlord.) If I did nothing while business slowed down (inertia) I would be like every other real estate broker in the US. But I need a different source of income (change in trajectory) and I need it now (step on the velocity) and now I'm excited and feeling optimistic (momentum.)My High school physics teacher would be proud.
Its that simple. Our lives are life a giant rock floating slowly in space. If we don't apply a great deal of energy, we will drift endlessly in a direction we did not plan for. Its so easy to be poor and unfulfilled. Its takes courage, energy, and action to be wealthy and happy. Muster it up. And leave the inertia to the physics books.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Blast from the Past
I got an email from a former high school classmate, who is now living in Greece, married, and finishing medical school. She looks terrific, and has aged very well. It was odd--- she thought she remembered hanging at my apartment for a party. That never happened. I reminded her that I asked her to the prom 3 times (with the fear that she might think I was stalking her ...which could not be further from the truth.) She says she mis-remembers the party (like Roger Clemens.) But she recalls the prom thing, and she was dating a 24 year old guy while she was in high school. Today, there are laws against this stuff, but back in the 80's it was normal. I even remember all the girls that were sleeping with teachers, and passing classes with ease in high school and college, but this too was normal in the 80's and still normal on college campuses, but now illegal in a high school setting. Wow! have times changed. Imagine my surprise when she came to that prom with a guy who was 24! I was still 16! He was huge, I was in awe. What kind of a loser goes to a high school prom when he's 24? one more insight...the teacher chaperones were not really chaperones. They were drunk and having a great time. Anyway, its always weird talking to someone that turned you down when you were a kid, but alot more friendly now that life has been good to you. Beware.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
The Apathy of Defeat
I bumped into a guy from high school last week at a pharmacy. I asked "Who do you keep in touch with?", he said no one. I asked "what do you do these days?" He's single, lives with his parents in the home he grew up in, and just works. No kids, no life. I started to reminisce about high school, told him about the 20 people I've seen or talked to in the past 3 or 4 years. He was astounded. I told him about my life, the various businesses, the organizations I am invloved with, foundations I am involved with, etc. He was astounded. During his time off from work as a pharmacist, he plays video games. He had a girlfriend, a long time ago. I asked what was he involved with he during his time in high school. He said "Nothing." I left, and called a few people from my high school's graduating class. No one recalled who this person was. Its as if he did not exist. Its the apathy of defeat.
My new baby boy Phoenix was just born. He wakes me up at 1 and 4:40 am nightly, to feed, and to hear me talk about my life. Kids are something....a guaranteed audience for all my boring stories about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. He has 10 fingers and toes, 4 limbs, and all seems well. I hope he was born with a passion for life that never goes out. I get the feeling he's trying to tell me something. Can't wait to find out what it is.
Spoke to a guy that went to Stanford after high school and left after 2 years. He graduated from city college with a few degrees. He said he felt very inadequate at Stanford, and was constantly not fitting in. Almost had a nervous breakdown, but is doing very well now. College is like a shoe - the Air Jordans are not for everyone. Sometimes you like the sale rack better.
My new baby boy Phoenix was just born. He wakes me up at 1 and 4:40 am nightly, to feed, and to hear me talk about my life. Kids are something....a guaranteed audience for all my boring stories about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. He has 10 fingers and toes, 4 limbs, and all seems well. I hope he was born with a passion for life that never goes out. I get the feeling he's trying to tell me something. Can't wait to find out what it is.
Spoke to a guy that went to Stanford after high school and left after 2 years. He graduated from city college with a few degrees. He said he felt very inadequate at Stanford, and was constantly not fitting in. Almost had a nervous breakdown, but is doing very well now. College is like a shoe - the Air Jordans are not for everyone. Sometimes you like the sale rack better.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Back to the Future
This weekend, I was invited back to my high school to speak on career day. I had been inside my high school just twice since I graduated in 1989. The kids are so much brighter, and at the same time, the same as we were. So many did not have a career goal or choice, but knew they wanted to make money. Sounds too familiar, given my past.
Its alot like traveling back in time, and speaking to yourself. I wish we had a career day when I went to school. I wish I had some sort of guidance, but I didn't even have a guidance counselor when I was in High School. I had never even heard the words "guidance counselor."
It was a dream come true. I spoke with 3 other Alums, 2 graduated in the 80's before me, and one graduated in 1995. They expressed the same feelings about life that I had. One told me that for years he felt inferior to Stuyvestant kids. I went to college with quite a few Stuyvestant kids, and they are more or less the same as everyone else. I think it comes from the fact that Tech is always ranked behind some schools. Back then it was 3rd best. Now we are 39th the nation, and in the top 5 of New York City public schools. You know....it really doesn't matter.
The Tech students I met were very academically bright, but are not aware of career choices in the business world. Even to this day, science, mathematics, and engineering is all they are ever told about. If only they could have one class, just one 3 hour class on business careers....it would make a difference.
Alot of kids were already accepted to colleges. Some are still waiting to hear back. I tried to explain....there is no one college that will make or break you life's success. There is no one major, and rarely, is there ever a single decision that affects the rest of your life (usually who you marry or don't.) You grow physically until you are about 18, and you grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually for the rest of your life. So many students are worried about pressures from their families about majors, colleges, and careers. No one is worried about being a great human being. Non one is concerned about finding out who they are, and what they can do.
There is something very special about going to Tech. The school is hallowed grounds, like Yankee Stadium or Lambeau Field. There are 1200 students in the graduating class this year (I was told.) There are probably going to be 12 that change the world. There will be 120 that do better than survive. There rest will wander the streets of life looking for adventure or whatever comes their way.
It was a great experience, thankyou Brooklyn Tech.....once again.
Its alot like traveling back in time, and speaking to yourself. I wish we had a career day when I went to school. I wish I had some sort of guidance, but I didn't even have a guidance counselor when I was in High School. I had never even heard the words "guidance counselor."
It was a dream come true. I spoke with 3 other Alums, 2 graduated in the 80's before me, and one graduated in 1995. They expressed the same feelings about life that I had. One told me that for years he felt inferior to Stuyvestant kids. I went to college with quite a few Stuyvestant kids, and they are more or less the same as everyone else. I think it comes from the fact that Tech is always ranked behind some schools. Back then it was 3rd best. Now we are 39th the nation, and in the top 5 of New York City public schools. You know....it really doesn't matter.
The Tech students I met were very academically bright, but are not aware of career choices in the business world. Even to this day, science, mathematics, and engineering is all they are ever told about. If only they could have one class, just one 3 hour class on business careers....it would make a difference.
Alot of kids were already accepted to colleges. Some are still waiting to hear back. I tried to explain....there is no one college that will make or break you life's success. There is no one major, and rarely, is there ever a single decision that affects the rest of your life (usually who you marry or don't.) You grow physically until you are about 18, and you grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually for the rest of your life. So many students are worried about pressures from their families about majors, colleges, and careers. No one is worried about being a great human being. Non one is concerned about finding out who they are, and what they can do.
There is something very special about going to Tech. The school is hallowed grounds, like Yankee Stadium or Lambeau Field. There are 1200 students in the graduating class this year (I was told.) There are probably going to be 12 that change the world. There will be 120 that do better than survive. There rest will wander the streets of life looking for adventure or whatever comes their way.
It was a great experience, thankyou Brooklyn Tech.....once again.
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