The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

This week, the woman that took care of my oldest son for three years, and my second son for a year, passed away at the age of tender age of 45 from liver cancer. She was diagnosed in Feb. She was a family friend, from the same village in Guyana that me, my parents, and all my ancestors were from. In other words, she was one of us- she walked the same soil, drank the same well water, ate the same foods, and came from the same impoverished background.
.......I went to see her on Easter Sunday. She was still smiling, and happy that I brought my oldest son to see her. She said she did not understand why she was dying. Her request for treatment turned into a meeting about a hospice. She did not drink. She never smoked. She never argued or gave anyone attitude. This is no exaggeration - she was as kind and as gentle a soul as I have ever met. Our nanny cameras showed my son (at 2 years of age) hitting her when she took away candy or tried to put him to sleep. She sat there and allowed him to do it.
.......She did not marry until she was 40. She did what every one always told her, and remained a virgin until she married (she shared this info with my wife.) She married an older man with bad health (15 years her senior.) The only thing she every wanted out of life was to have her own child. She waited until she was 40, only to discover her husband was sterile. This broke her heart, but she remained married to him for 5 years, until her death on Sunday. She did not believe in divorce, and her attitude was that a wife should stand by her husband. Her husband had a heart attack a few years ago, and his diabetes is out of control. She was still young enough to remarry (she did not know him very well after a year.) But she stood by him. He was incapable of caring for her when she was ill. A neighbor came and made her meals and helped her bath. Her husband stood by and didn't notify her family of how ill she had grown.
.......I hear people complain about their lives, about their spouses, and about their kids. What right do you have to complain about your life? What right do you have to complain about your kids - all this woman wanted out of life was to have a child of her own to take care of. She never complained once, was even smiling as she laid in her casket. And yet you complain about your circumstances, but you have the ability to change your circumstances, you just lack the courage. Some beleive in good and evil, reward and punishment, positive and negative. Religions teach us nothing, and help empower our lack of courage - too often we sit and wait for God to save us from ourselves. I believe in action and consequences, and often no action still leads to greater consequences.
.......I wish she had taken more charge of her life, and had never married such an old, sick man, who was just looking for someone to care for him in his old age. But she did not believe this to be her calling. I wish she wasn't robbed of happiness, and robbed of a full life. She took excellent care of my son, and often cooked me amazing meals. She made the best curry dishes, the kind only my mother and grandmother can make. My son, now 8, would still call her and talk to her, although she left us to care for her husband 3 years ago. Maybe heaven is short on good souls this week, and needed to add her to the roster. I will miss her tremendously. When I told my sons, they were shocked, and the older one took it hard. I explained that she is going to watch over them, like an angel. They asked if she would get wings.....I said "without a doubt." Ronika, we will always speak of you fondly for years to come. Thankyou for everything.
Take charge of your life. Do what you need to do. Children are a blessing, a reminder of whats important in life. Your job is not you. Your finances are not you. The essence of who you are needs to flourish and expand. Be good to your soul.