What do You really Want ?

• For a long time, I did not know what I really wanted. I had a vague concept, and a vague image, and that was all. Many of my friends are in the same boat, even midway through their 30's. I ask so many people what do you want, and so many say "I'm not sure", or "I really don't know." Or worse, I get "I want to be successful" or "I want more money" or "I want to get married." No one ever really answers "I want happiness."
• Shouldn't we always really want more happiness. Here is my solution. Find out what really makes you happy. Not happy for 15 minutes, but what really makes you happy over a stretch of time. Make a list today of how you would like to live your life. For me, it meant running, swimming, more vacations, spending time with my wife and children. Only problem was that I was in a corporate job, making 6 figures, and couldn't do any of the things I wanted to do. I had the weekends only, and they were jammed with activities and errands. Out of 168 hours a week, I would spend 3 hours (max) doing something that made me happy.
• Your picture of happiness needs to be clear. Maybe its in a great relationship, maybe its making more money, maybe its working with a charity. Mine was freedom of time. So I started my own business, and made it work. I didn't have to start my own business, I could have sold real estate or mortgages or something else with a flexible schedule. But I wanted to be the boss, as well. If your picture of happiness includes your current job, that's perfect. Then all you need to do is decide what is missing from your happiness.
• Stop waiting for all your ducks to be lined up in a row. So many people say "First I have to finish school" or "First I need to make more money" or "First I need to lose weight". These are excuses that prevent you from actually being happy. Some of us don't have the courage to admit that we are afraid to take a risk, and even afraid to be happy. How can you be afraid to be happy? When you've grown accustomed to being unhappy for a long time, it becomes comfortable, and familiar. Anything else is Terra incognito.
• One day I decided that spending more time at work won't make me happy. When I was younger, I never cut school, never called out sick to work, never took a mental health day. These days, I go to the beach when I need a day off. Or I'll walk the streets of Fort Greene or the East Village. I can't explain why this makes me happy, I only know that it does. You shouldn't have to explain your happiness. Every morning I have a routine. I make breakfast for the kids (something fun), take them to school while listening to loud dance music. Then I exercise for an hour. This makes me happy for the rest of the day.
• Recently, I took the subway for the first time in a long time. I couldn't believe how unhappy and miserable 99% of the people on the subway appeared. Everyone had bags under their eyes, and no color in their face. I was shocked and started to wonder if I ever looked like that. Its hard to believe it was only 4 years ago that I was one of these people.
• Be warned, we tend to sabotage our own happiness to please other people. Instead of doing what we want to do, someone will always remind us, that we shouldn't be doing this, or what about the bills, or what about the mortgage. You have to believe that you will find a way to pay for the life style that you really want. Why? Because if you really want it, you can always find a way to pay for it. For me, I heard a voice in my head talking me out doing the things that I wanted to do. It was my father or my mother saying "Money doesn't grow on trees" and "You have to be more responsible." Bullshit. Do I really want to end up in the same financial situation as my hardworking parents? No, I wanted to be happy and rich. I was going to follow a different path.

NEXT: CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE ABOUT MONEY IN ORDER TO GET MORE MONEY