What do You really Want ?

• For a long time, I did not know what I really wanted. I had a vague concept, and a vague image, and that was all. Many of my friends are in the same boat, even midway through their 30's. I ask so many people what do you want, and so many say "I'm not sure", or "I really don't know." Or worse, I get "I want to be successful" or "I want more money" or "I want to get married." No one ever really answers "I want happiness."
• Shouldn't we always really want more happiness. Here is my solution. Find out what really makes you happy. Not happy for 15 minutes, but what really makes you happy over a stretch of time. Make a list today of how you would like to live your life. For me, it meant running, swimming, more vacations, spending time with my wife and children. Only problem was that I was in a corporate job, making 6 figures, and couldn't do any of the things I wanted to do. I had the weekends only, and they were jammed with activities and errands. Out of 168 hours a week, I would spend 3 hours (max) doing something that made me happy.
• Your picture of happiness needs to be clear. Maybe its in a great relationship, maybe its making more money, maybe its working with a charity. Mine was freedom of time. So I started my own business, and made it work. I didn't have to start my own business, I could have sold real estate or mortgages or something else with a flexible schedule. But I wanted to be the boss, as well. If your picture of happiness includes your current job, that's perfect. Then all you need to do is decide what is missing from your happiness.
• Stop waiting for all your ducks to be lined up in a row. So many people say "First I have to finish school" or "First I need to make more money" or "First I need to lose weight". These are excuses that prevent you from actually being happy. Some of us don't have the courage to admit that we are afraid to take a risk, and even afraid to be happy. How can you be afraid to be happy? When you've grown accustomed to being unhappy for a long time, it becomes comfortable, and familiar. Anything else is Terra incognito.
• One day I decided that spending more time at work won't make me happy. When I was younger, I never cut school, never called out sick to work, never took a mental health day. These days, I go to the beach when I need a day off. Or I'll walk the streets of Fort Greene or the East Village. I can't explain why this makes me happy, I only know that it does. You shouldn't have to explain your happiness. Every morning I have a routine. I make breakfast for the kids (something fun), take them to school while listening to loud dance music. Then I exercise for an hour. This makes me happy for the rest of the day.
• Recently, I took the subway for the first time in a long time. I couldn't believe how unhappy and miserable 99% of the people on the subway appeared. Everyone had bags under their eyes, and no color in their face. I was shocked and started to wonder if I ever looked like that. Its hard to believe it was only 4 years ago that I was one of these people.
• Be warned, we tend to sabotage our own happiness to please other people. Instead of doing what we want to do, someone will always remind us, that we shouldn't be doing this, or what about the bills, or what about the mortgage. You have to believe that you will find a way to pay for the life style that you really want. Why? Because if you really want it, you can always find a way to pay for it. For me, I heard a voice in my head talking me out doing the things that I wanted to do. It was my father or my mother saying "Money doesn't grow on trees" and "You have to be more responsible." Bullshit. Do I really want to end up in the same financial situation as my hardworking parents? No, I wanted to be happy and rich. I was going to follow a different path.

NEXT: CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE ABOUT MONEY IN ORDER TO GET MORE MONEY

Why are so many of my friends educated and unhappy?

• Recently, I met with some friends from high school after many years. So many years have gone by, so many stories. So many of my classmates living in similar circumstances. We were the cream of the crop, graduating from Brooklyn Technical High School in 1989 - one of NYC's premier and elite high schools. Many of my friends smart, well read, highly educated, with most having college degrees and graduate degrees, and yet, are not as successful as they would like to be , & financially no where near where they thought they would be.
• So many of us went to state and city colleges, and so many of us went to private colleges. So many of us pursued the American Dream, and are living vacant lives. We all had high expectations and even higher potential. Today we walk with slumped shoulders, and slouched backs - but on graduation day 1989, I remember seeing us walk .....even strut....like proud lions, the pride of our families and neighborhoods. We were on the right course, heading for success, heading to make ourselves proud. How did so many of my friends get off course?
• It fascinates me how a person can leave bound for a glorious destination, and find themselves lost at see for years. It fascinates me, because it happened to me, and it wasn't easy getting back on course to my destination. Today I find myself the happiest I've ever been in my life. I own 3 businesses, I have 3 beautiful sons, I am happily married for 9 years to a wonderful woman, and I am about to close on my dream house. Just a couple of years ago, none of this seemed remotely possible.
• In high school, college, and graduate school, I took a variety of classes. I was an computer science major in high school (yes, my high school had majors), an English major in college, and Entrenprenuership and Marketing concentrations in business school. Yet, I never took a class about how to be successful, how to make money, or how to be happy. Seems as if colleges don't teach these classes. And even if they could - who would be a qualified professor to teach these classes?
  The reality of the situation was that some of my friends went to school to get a degree, get it over with, and get a job. And thats exactly what they have today. A job and a degree, and the very real prospect of nothing changing for a very long time. Some of us work for large coporations, some for schools, some for hospitals, etc. How many people will actually earn top dollar at these firms? Very few.
• Unhappiness at work, and in our accomplishments, spill over to unhappiness in our relationships, marriages, parenting, and friendships. AND YET......we don't want to do anything about our unhappiness, lack of money, and lack of prospects! One friend of my mine actually said that "this is life - it not a bouquet of roses." I strongly disagree. Whenever I hire a new sales agent for my real estate business, I conduct an interview that is largely geared toward getting to know them personally. Within 30 minutes of this interview, I get a sense of whether or not this person is going to make it. I have college educated and high school educated (and one MBA) working for me. Education is not a prediction of earning ability in my office. The happiest people tend to make the most money (six figures their first year.) Why?
• A person's outlook determines their happiness and earning ability. Its that simple. Some people really don't believe that they deserve more money, or more success, or more love. They are settlers. They settle for a lower paying job. They settle for less of a raise, or less of a promotion, or less happiness in their relationship, or less love from their partner. They settle for less, and they grow accustomed to settling for less. Its easier to settle for less. Its easier to be less happy, to have less money, to have less. Its easier to expect less, to accept less. Why? Because we think less of ourselves every month that goes by that we are unhappy. We become unhappiness itself. Then we make the people around us unhappy. So they in return make us unhappy. Now we have.... a big buffet of unhappiness ...at home, at work, in our circle of friends. And it seems like its a bottomless pit. There are days that make you want to give up. There are days that your blood is boiling. All the while you ask....Why is this happening to me? How did I get here? What did I do to deserve this?
  You did nothing, that why you deserve this. You did nothing, thats how you got here. You did nothing, that why its happening to you. So why not do something to change your situation and your circumstances? Why make realize that you deserve better out of life ?

• Remember that at one point in your life your were a lion....and now you live like a sheep. And we all know what happens to sheep......they get sheered and slaughtered. Can a lion pretend to live like a sheep? Can a lion eat grass and be told what to do by a sheep dog? Can a lion be steered by an ordinary shepherd? The answer is that a lion must be a lion, must live like a lion, must eat like a lion, and can be nothing else.
  
  Next Post's Topic.......How I changed my life in simple steps and gained happiness