Can you change a bad decision made 20 years ago?

We all make bad decisions. I use to spend a lot of time thinking and wishing that I hadn't made some of the decisions that I made. Maybe you understand exactly what I mean. I wasn't full of regret, I just really wished that I could go back and reverse some decisions or actions. And yet, I was finally able to do it after figuring out how to do it.
We can't really go back in time. But we can effect the emotional outcome of a bad decision. A few years ago, I started thinking about a friend of mine in junior high school and high school. We were close friends, but we got involved with different groups of friends, and wound up treating each other like strangers. Whats more remarkable is that while we were close friends, things were going very well for me. After we were no longer friends, it created a lot of awkward accidental encounters. After 18 years, I tracked my friend down, and over lunch, I apologized for the way things were. I expressed how I felt, and how I regretted that we weren't friends. He said he felt the same way. I immediately felt relieved, and felt free of that bad decision.
Here's another example: I always regretted some of the decisions I made in high school about organizations I did not join, colleges I did not apply to, etc. I recently actually gave advice to some high school students (from my high school) to help them avoid the pitfalls of my own student career. It did wonders for me. The next day I woke up feeling that I actually never made those decisions. It felt great. By helping others, I helped myself.
The other way to do this, is to give yourself some slack. Accept that you're human, and don't be hard on yourself. The rest of the world is already hard on us, why ad to your own burdens. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself, and find a positive in the bad decision. There's always one.
The key is to find people that helped you along the way, that provided something positive, or that you were close to during the good times of your life. That's what you need more of. You don't really need to find anyone that was negative or was around you when things were not going well. I can't put my finger on it, but its a combination of the right people that we need to surround ourselves with in order for things to change and go in the right direction. Some people can just add to your good fortune, while others will subtract. We often don't know who's who.

1%

I wake up every day believing that today I will do one thing to move closer to my goals. Just one thing. I will add 1% effort toward moving closer to my goals. A friend of mine has seen me struggle and face near bankruptcy and complete failure in the past years. The entire time, this friend kept suggesting that I close up and quit. He suggested that I should cut my losses and go find a job. That's not who I am as a person. If were to have quit and go get a job, I would not only admit that I couldn't make it business, but I would move in the direction of more unhappiness. Its a double whammy.
Who are you as a person? What lengths would you go to in order to succeed or to get to your goals? What do you believe is your destiny? Are you doing everything you can to get to your destiny? Most people I know start, and then get discouraged. Life can be discouraging. If you stop and thought about all the situations that did not go your way, you would get pretty depressed. I'm not allowed to do that. I don't allow myself to focus on my failures or my rejections. I make an effort to reminisce about the times I have succeed, or the times that I overcame insurmountable odds.
We have the power to wallow in the mire of self-doubt. We also have the power to dream about a being wealthy, happy, and secure. Its a choice. And it takes effort. A person can easily slip into confusion or depression by thinking about their shortcomings. We all have shortcomings, whats the point in reminding ourselves about this?
In 2004, I had the hardest year of my life financially. I went 8 months without any income, having just started my real estate office. At the end of year, I was prepared to evaluate and close up if I felt in my heart that I couldn't make it work. Instead, I asked my self, what do I need in order to make this work? I then went out and hired more agents, and re-tooled my strategy. The following year, I made more money that I ever made my entire life. And the year after that was even better. Thank goodness I gave it more time. It worked out. I had to do some tweaking, but it worked out great.
What kind of a person are you? Have you ever been tested? Have you ever looked in the mirror and forgotten who you are and where you've come from? Do you spend 30 minutes a day thinking about all the good things in your life, and how close you are to where you want to be? Sometimes, with a minor adjustment in your strategy or thought process, you can get to your destination, just a little closer to you destination. I think about throwing a pebble in the Hudson River. What if I threw a pebble in the same location every day? Sooner or later I would start to change the course of the river. 1% every day is my pebble.

Passion

• Its hard to get great results doing something that you are not passionate about. Sometimes we want top results but we don't give 110% effort or enthusiasm. How can we expect a better result, pay, bonus, review, or a better relationship, better friendship, better anything....if we don't put in 110%? A friend of mine went on several job interviews for jobs that he didn't want. He wanted the money, not the job. He was not passionate about his career, he was passionate about getting more money so that he can pay more bills. Needless to say he didn't get any of the jobs.
• Its hard to fake being passionate about your work, or your relationships. Why not just find something you are really passionate about, and find a way to make money doing what you love?
• Example- I was always fascinated with real estate. I remember being 12 years old, looking through the real estate classifieds, and learning to calculate profit and loss on multifamily dwelling rental properties. I did this from when I was 12 until I was 30. I spent my Sunday mornings searching for properties in the Daily News, even though I was 12. I guess I was fascinated with my parent's landlord - a Greek immigrant that owned several apartment buildings in Astoria, Queens. I also loved going to collect rent with my uncle and grandparents who owned buildings in Brooklyn. Imagine me,12 years old, and collecting rent. What a rush!
• When I was 26 I bought a 6-family building in Brooklyn and sold it for a huge profit 2 years later. But instead of re-investing the money in my passion for real estate, I sank it and lost it in the stock market - which I was never passionate about. I listened to others advise me about money, when I should have followed my heart.
• Several years go by, and I open my real estate office, re-discovering the boyhood passion I had lost. Now, I'm in the midst of a few real estate short sales, flips, and I am looking to buy a shopping plaza. I'm also selling my house for more than twice what I paid for it, and buying a new house in long island for 35% below market value. The boy in me is alive and kicking, and its an incredible feeling to wake up looking forward to going to work and finding new ways to make money. I'm looking forward to collecting rent again.
• Some of us don't know what we're passionate about. I'm passionate about making money from real estate. But I spent years at jobs in apparel, retail, and planning. Why did I deny myself my passion? Its makes no sense to me at all. The same friend I mentioned is passionate about physical fitness, martial arts, helping young people, and entertainment. But instead, he's looking for a job in the exciting world of purchasing. After he finds a job in this field, he's going to start losing interest in about 4 months, and start giving less and less of an effort. Then he's going to look for another job, probably in the equally exciting world of accounting. My suggestion? This fellow needs to do what he loves on the weekends or nights, until he can find a way to make money at it. If he's passionate about martial arts, then he's going to be great at it, and people will automatically start asking for private lessons or for him to open a school. It will work out, it always does because one's level of passion determines one's level of commitment and enthusiasm. He's also passionate about entertainment, but he does nothing to submerse himself in that field in order to learn the entertainment business. His excuse is the same as everyone else's - I don't have the time, I don't have the money, my spouse is holding me back, etc. The only thing stopping him is fear. Fear of change, Fear of success.
• Its always hard to stop a Corvette going 90 miles an hour. Its always easy to stop a beat up Chevy going 20 miles an hour. When you're passionate about something, you're like a fast sports car. Besides, who wants to be a beat up Chevy their whole life?

Don't Live a Mediocre Life

• At some point in our life we become accustomed to mediocrity. A mediocre cup of coffee. A mediocre raise. A mediocre performance at work. A mediocre relationship. We know that we are capable of putting out excellence, but why bother? We know we can do so much more with our lives...but for what result? I know someone that is fed up with living in mediocrity, but is scared to do something about it. Change is hard, especially, when you are the one that needs to be changed. Life can get away from you if you don't steer in the direction that you want to go.
• Ever drive your car without holding the steering wheel? In a matter of seconds you're headed in a direction that you did not choose. Same with life. Going through life without making a decision is the same thing. If you didn't decide to be unhappy, or poor, or unsuccessful, or where you are today, then you got here because you simpy didn't make a decision (didn't hold the steering wheel.) Some of my friends are Ivy Leaguers, or have masters degrees, or have lots of money, but can't steer in the direction of their desire.
• Make a decision. Decide to be happy. Decide to be a success. Decide to be rich. Decide to help people that need your help. Decide to move every day at least one step in the direction that you WANT to move in. Take control of your destiny. Take control of your steering wheel. Decide where to go, and do one thing every day to move in that direction. If you can't do anything, start by visualizing your happiness for half an hour daily. Thats a pretty powerful start. Keep a journal to keep track of your movement in the direction of your choosing. Hands on the steering wheel starting today. This is how I started. This is how I got here. It works.

What do You really Want ?

• For a long time, I did not know what I really wanted. I had a vague concept, and a vague image, and that was all. Many of my friends are in the same boat, even midway through their 30's. I ask so many people what do you want, and so many say "I'm not sure", or "I really don't know." Or worse, I get "I want to be successful" or "I want more money" or "I want to get married." No one ever really answers "I want happiness."
• Shouldn't we always really want more happiness. Here is my solution. Find out what really makes you happy. Not happy for 15 minutes, but what really makes you happy over a stretch of time. Make a list today of how you would like to live your life. For me, it meant running, swimming, more vacations, spending time with my wife and children. Only problem was that I was in a corporate job, making 6 figures, and couldn't do any of the things I wanted to do. I had the weekends only, and they were jammed with activities and errands. Out of 168 hours a week, I would spend 3 hours (max) doing something that made me happy.
• Your picture of happiness needs to be clear. Maybe its in a great relationship, maybe its making more money, maybe its working with a charity. Mine was freedom of time. So I started my own business, and made it work. I didn't have to start my own business, I could have sold real estate or mortgages or something else with a flexible schedule. But I wanted to be the boss, as well. If your picture of happiness includes your current job, that's perfect. Then all you need to do is decide what is missing from your happiness.
• Stop waiting for all your ducks to be lined up in a row. So many people say "First I have to finish school" or "First I need to make more money" or "First I need to lose weight". These are excuses that prevent you from actually being happy. Some of us don't have the courage to admit that we are afraid to take a risk, and even afraid to be happy. How can you be afraid to be happy? When you've grown accustomed to being unhappy for a long time, it becomes comfortable, and familiar. Anything else is Terra incognito.
• One day I decided that spending more time at work won't make me happy. When I was younger, I never cut school, never called out sick to work, never took a mental health day. These days, I go to the beach when I need a day off. Or I'll walk the streets of Fort Greene or the East Village. I can't explain why this makes me happy, I only know that it does. You shouldn't have to explain your happiness. Every morning I have a routine. I make breakfast for the kids (something fun), take them to school while listening to loud dance music. Then I exercise for an hour. This makes me happy for the rest of the day.
• Recently, I took the subway for the first time in a long time. I couldn't believe how unhappy and miserable 99% of the people on the subway appeared. Everyone had bags under their eyes, and no color in their face. I was shocked and started to wonder if I ever looked like that. Its hard to believe it was only 4 years ago that I was one of these people.
• Be warned, we tend to sabotage our own happiness to please other people. Instead of doing what we want to do, someone will always remind us, that we shouldn't be doing this, or what about the bills, or what about the mortgage. You have to believe that you will find a way to pay for the life style that you really want. Why? Because if you really want it, you can always find a way to pay for it. For me, I heard a voice in my head talking me out doing the things that I wanted to do. It was my father or my mother saying "Money doesn't grow on trees" and "You have to be more responsible." Bullshit. Do I really want to end up in the same financial situation as my hardworking parents? No, I wanted to be happy and rich. I was going to follow a different path.

NEXT: CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE ABOUT MONEY IN ORDER TO GET MORE MONEY

Why are so many of my friends educated and unhappy?

• Recently, I met with some friends from high school after many years. So many years have gone by, so many stories. So many of my classmates living in similar circumstances. We were the cream of the crop, graduating from Brooklyn Technical High School in 1989 - one of NYC's premier and elite high schools. Many of my friends smart, well read, highly educated, with most having college degrees and graduate degrees, and yet, are not as successful as they would like to be , & financially no where near where they thought they would be.
• So many of us went to state and city colleges, and so many of us went to private colleges. So many of us pursued the American Dream, and are living vacant lives. We all had high expectations and even higher potential. Today we walk with slumped shoulders, and slouched backs - but on graduation day 1989, I remember seeing us walk .....even strut....like proud lions, the pride of our families and neighborhoods. We were on the right course, heading for success, heading to make ourselves proud. How did so many of my friends get off course?
• It fascinates me how a person can leave bound for a glorious destination, and find themselves lost at see for years. It fascinates me, because it happened to me, and it wasn't easy getting back on course to my destination. Today I find myself the happiest I've ever been in my life. I own 3 businesses, I have 3 beautiful sons, I am happily married for 9 years to a wonderful woman, and I am about to close on my dream house. Just a couple of years ago, none of this seemed remotely possible.
• In high school, college, and graduate school, I took a variety of classes. I was an computer science major in high school (yes, my high school had majors), an English major in college, and Entrenprenuership and Marketing concentrations in business school. Yet, I never took a class about how to be successful, how to make money, or how to be happy. Seems as if colleges don't teach these classes. And even if they could - who would be a qualified professor to teach these classes?
  The reality of the situation was that some of my friends went to school to get a degree, get it over with, and get a job. And thats exactly what they have today. A job and a degree, and the very real prospect of nothing changing for a very long time. Some of us work for large coporations, some for schools, some for hospitals, etc. How many people will actually earn top dollar at these firms? Very few.
• Unhappiness at work, and in our accomplishments, spill over to unhappiness in our relationships, marriages, parenting, and friendships. AND YET......we don't want to do anything about our unhappiness, lack of money, and lack of prospects! One friend of my mine actually said that "this is life - it not a bouquet of roses." I strongly disagree. Whenever I hire a new sales agent for my real estate business, I conduct an interview that is largely geared toward getting to know them personally. Within 30 minutes of this interview, I get a sense of whether or not this person is going to make it. I have college educated and high school educated (and one MBA) working for me. Education is not a prediction of earning ability in my office. The happiest people tend to make the most money (six figures their first year.) Why?
• A person's outlook determines their happiness and earning ability. Its that simple. Some people really don't believe that they deserve more money, or more success, or more love. They are settlers. They settle for a lower paying job. They settle for less of a raise, or less of a promotion, or less happiness in their relationship, or less love from their partner. They settle for less, and they grow accustomed to settling for less. Its easier to settle for less. Its easier to be less happy, to have less money, to have less. Its easier to expect less, to accept less. Why? Because we think less of ourselves every month that goes by that we are unhappy. We become unhappiness itself. Then we make the people around us unhappy. So they in return make us unhappy. Now we have.... a big buffet of unhappiness ...at home, at work, in our circle of friends. And it seems like its a bottomless pit. There are days that make you want to give up. There are days that your blood is boiling. All the while you ask....Why is this happening to me? How did I get here? What did I do to deserve this?
  You did nothing, that why you deserve this. You did nothing, thats how you got here. You did nothing, that why its happening to you. So why not do something to change your situation and your circumstances? Why make realize that you deserve better out of life ?

• Remember that at one point in your life your were a lion....and now you live like a sheep. And we all know what happens to sheep......they get sheered and slaughtered. Can a lion pretend to live like a sheep? Can a lion eat grass and be told what to do by a sheep dog? Can a lion be steered by an ordinary shepherd? The answer is that a lion must be a lion, must live like a lion, must eat like a lion, and can be nothing else.
  
  Next Post's Topic.......How I changed my life in simple steps and gained happiness