Resiliency

I spoke with a man that was worth hundreds of millions of dollars recently. The stock market and the economy is in turmoil. I called looking for advice, and heard a voice in panic, fear, and in a dizzy tirade of pessimism and worry. Now keep in mind, he's got more money than anyone I know personally, and more money to last for generations, and he was distraught.....I started to wonder if I called the right person for advice.
I started to feel worse and worse and abruptly got off the phone. Why? Because it was the last thing I needed to hear. We may be in an economic crisis, but panic does not have to happen. You choose your ability to cope, and fear is not coping. It occurred to me afterwards, that the 10 minute rant I just heard was because this person identifies himself with his worth and his money. Perhaps he lost $50 -$100 million this year. But although he has hundreds of millions left, he was feeling worthless.
I learned a long time ago that I am not my finances. Nor am I to be defined by any single facet of my character or my life. I am not just a businessman, nor am I not just a father, or just a husband, or just a friend, or just a real estate investor, or just a men's grooming products owner, etc. There are many things that make up my self identity.
I have 4 kids, but if the economy fails, I know that I would find a way to feed them and educate them, and raise them right. So what if they don't live in a mansion or attend the best schools. I know what resiliency means.
My maternal grandfather knew about resiliency. In a third world country, he provided for 7 children and 2 grandchildren. He worked many jobs, raised his own poultry and livestock, his own vegetables, and even became a boxer to make a living. He built his own house with his own hands, and educated all his kids. When things got really bad, at the age of 51 he moved out of his home country and to New York. He learned a new trade - furniture refinishing, and made a decent living doing it. He lived for 14 years after arriving in New York, before passing at the age of 65. He had 3 homes, and acres of land in Florida. This was in 1991. He bought everything with 20% down. He took one vacation in 14 years, and did not spend any money unnecessarily. He bought a car at the age of 60. Imagine if he had come to New York at the age of 16. I'll never forget in 1983 there was a huge flood in Western Queens. The city had heavy rain that caused the sewers to flood, along with the East river, There was 3 feet of water or more everywhere. My grandfather woke up early, and was silent. He left his shoes at home and left. He returned 3 hours later with an electric pump, essentially pumping all the water out of his house. Now this was 1983. He did not own a car, and there was no Home Depot or Walmart nearby. This was a coupe. Resiliency. He saw me complete 2 years of college before his heart gave out. When he passed, he left all he had in cash underneath the mattress. Given today's economic crisis, he was wiser than he appeared. He nevery made a lot of money, but he didn't alot either. His estate today would be worth millions. His life insurance was passed on to my grandmother, along with his pension.

The moral of the story is that my friend worth hundreds of millions (born with a silver spoon in his mouth) couldn't handle one week of the stock market crashing, but my Grandfather (who never went to high school) was silently able to find an electric pump in 1983 during a flood (and without shoes.) and pump out the water in his house. There was alot of damage, but he wasn't panicking. I hope I have that kind of gene....always.

We are living in times of the great flood - a flood of economic distress. People of this nation survived it in the 1930's. They came out spendthrift, and with good economic sense. My wife doesn't understand these people. But we are a different generation now, and now one likes to be called cheap or careful with money. Everyone wants a home from MTV cribs. Everyone wants a new car every 3 years. No one wants to save 1 years rent or mortgage payments. As the Dalai Lama says, "there is much on display in the window, but nothing in the store......"and now nothing in the stock room.

Legends of the Fall (of 89)

During the summer of 1989, I had just graduated high school, and was eagerly anticipating starting Albany in the fall. I was working 80hrs a week at a cafe in lower Manhattan, and didn't take a day off all summer. I was a machine, completely focused on saving as much as possible, so that I can pay my tuition and have some thing left over to live on. I didn't have time for girls, though 2 cute girls at the cafe both sent me love notes (I was a machine - and didn't need girls, family, or friends.) I was an existentialist at the age of 17, after reading The Stranger by Camus.
I received a letter from my roommate to be, a kid from Long Island. I read the letter, and threw it away. I would not respond to some nice doofus from Suffolk County. After all, I was a machine.
The universe is always listening, and sometimes, God steps in and plays card dealer at the casino of life. In the summer of 1989, this is exactly what God did.
My roommate was the complete opposite of me. He was a suburban kid, that never worked before. He was a great high school wrestler, and a state champion racquetballer . Joe also had a girlfriend he intended to marry, and drove a new Nissan sports car he had received as a 16th birthday gift. He whined and complained. He cried over missing his girlfriend who was attending college at Binghamton. He was blond haired and blue eyed, and light hearted, and wore a cross.
I was a machine. I was determined to do well in college, and get a job, and become rich. I disliked him the first day I met him. He listened to all the 80's hair bands like Winger, Poison, Guns and Roses. I was into Public Enemy. Something happened, and some how after a year together, we really bonded and I learned about the other side. We were only roommates Freshman year, Joe transferred to Binghamton to be with his girlfriend, with whom he broke up shortly thereafter. I never saw him again. I never had a better roommate or friend the entire time I was in college.
3 weeks ago I get an email from Joe, who found me on facebook, we got together at a Fridays in Melville. It was Saturday afternoon, typical for July, sweltering, sticky heat. It had been 18 years since we saw each other. And after 3 hours, we didn't want to leave the bar. It was like seeing my long lost brother. Joe is now a chiropractor, on his second marriage, and is experiencing a spiritual awakening. He looks better now than he did in college. Once again the universe has brought us together, this time we just don't know why....yet. But there's always a reason. There's always a season. And there will always be the Fall of 1989.

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

This week, the woman that took care of my oldest son for three years, and my second son for a year, passed away at the age of tender age of 45 from liver cancer. She was diagnosed in Feb. She was a family friend, from the same village in Guyana that me, my parents, and all my ancestors were from. In other words, she was one of us- she walked the same soil, drank the same well water, ate the same foods, and came from the same impoverished background.
.......I went to see her on Easter Sunday. She was still smiling, and happy that I brought my oldest son to see her. She said she did not understand why she was dying. Her request for treatment turned into a meeting about a hospice. She did not drink. She never smoked. She never argued or gave anyone attitude. This is no exaggeration - she was as kind and as gentle a soul as I have ever met. Our nanny cameras showed my son (at 2 years of age) hitting her when she took away candy or tried to put him to sleep. She sat there and allowed him to do it.
.......She did not marry until she was 40. She did what every one always told her, and remained a virgin until she married (she shared this info with my wife.) She married an older man with bad health (15 years her senior.) The only thing she every wanted out of life was to have her own child. She waited until she was 40, only to discover her husband was sterile. This broke her heart, but she remained married to him for 5 years, until her death on Sunday. She did not believe in divorce, and her attitude was that a wife should stand by her husband. Her husband had a heart attack a few years ago, and his diabetes is out of control. She was still young enough to remarry (she did not know him very well after a year.) But she stood by him. He was incapable of caring for her when she was ill. A neighbor came and made her meals and helped her bath. Her husband stood by and didn't notify her family of how ill she had grown.
.......I hear people complain about their lives, about their spouses, and about their kids. What right do you have to complain about your life? What right do you have to complain about your kids - all this woman wanted out of life was to have a child of her own to take care of. She never complained once, was even smiling as she laid in her casket. And yet you complain about your circumstances, but you have the ability to change your circumstances, you just lack the courage. Some beleive in good and evil, reward and punishment, positive and negative. Religions teach us nothing, and help empower our lack of courage - too often we sit and wait for God to save us from ourselves. I believe in action and consequences, and often no action still leads to greater consequences.
.......I wish she had taken more charge of her life, and had never married such an old, sick man, who was just looking for someone to care for him in his old age. But she did not believe this to be her calling. I wish she wasn't robbed of happiness, and robbed of a full life. She took excellent care of my son, and often cooked me amazing meals. She made the best curry dishes, the kind only my mother and grandmother can make. My son, now 8, would still call her and talk to her, although she left us to care for her husband 3 years ago. Maybe heaven is short on good souls this week, and needed to add her to the roster. I will miss her tremendously. When I told my sons, they were shocked, and the older one took it hard. I explained that she is going to watch over them, like an angel. They asked if she would get wings.....I said "without a doubt." Ronika, we will always speak of you fondly for years to come. Thankyou for everything.
Take charge of your life. Do what you need to do. Children are a blessing, a reminder of whats important in life. Your job is not you. Your finances are not you. The essence of who you are needs to flourish and expand. Be good to your soul.

Inertia in Life

Inertia, in physics, is the resistance an object has to change its state of motion. In life, inertia is simple, keep doing what you've been doing and nothing will change.

In Physics, inertia can be effected by force, speed, mass, and therefore leading to momentum. Okay lets make it simple- you want something in life - something big....like....money, happiness, love, family, a big house, a expensive car, etc. But,in the current the direction your life is headed, you don't think you will obtain this. So what do you do? You need to change the course of your inertia, but a powerful impact that will create momentum in your life, and alter your life's trajectory. What can do this? Marriage, a relationship, moving far away, changing jobs, changing businesses, changing the way you think, a spiritual experience, an emotional experience, allowing yourself to be influenced, and .....taking wild spontaneous action!

So, my business recently slowed down drastically (housing crisis.) I just found a completely new business importing stuff from China, with a partner (my former landlord.) If I did nothing while business slowed down (inertia) I would be like every other real estate broker in the US. But I need a different source of income (change in trajectory) and I need it now (step on the velocity) and now I'm excited and feeling optimistic (momentum.)My High school physics teacher would be proud.

Its that simple. Our lives are life a giant rock floating slowly in space. If we don't apply a great deal of energy, we will drift endlessly in a direction we did not plan for. Its so easy to be poor and unfulfilled. Its takes courage, energy, and action to be wealthy and happy. Muster it up. And leave the inertia to the physics books.

Blast from the Past

I got an email from a former high school classmate, who is now living in Greece, married, and finishing medical school. She looks terrific, and has aged very well. It was odd--- she thought she remembered hanging at my apartment for a party. That never happened. I reminded her that I asked her to the prom 3 times (with the fear that she might think I was stalking her ...which could not be further from the truth.) She says she mis-remembers the party (like Roger Clemens.) But she recalls the prom thing, and she was dating a 24 year old guy while she was in high school. Today, there are laws against this stuff, but back in the 80's it was normal. I even remember all the girls that were sleeping with teachers, and passing classes with ease in high school and college, but this too was normal in the 80's and still normal on college campuses, but now illegal in a high school setting. Wow! have times changed. Imagine my surprise when she came to that prom with a guy who was 24! I was still 16! He was huge, I was in awe. What kind of a loser goes to a high school prom when he's 24? one more insight...the teacher chaperones were not really chaperones. They were drunk and having a great time. Anyway, its always weird talking to someone that turned you down when you were a kid, but alot more friendly now that life has been good to you. Beware.

The Apathy of Defeat

I bumped into a guy from high school last week at a pharmacy. I asked "Who do you keep in touch with?", he said no one. I asked "what do you do these days?" He's single, lives with his parents in the home he grew up in, and just works. No kids, no life. I started to reminisce about high school, told him about the 20 people I've seen or talked to in the past 3 or 4 years. He was astounded. I told him about my life, the various businesses, the organizations I am invloved with, foundations I am involved with, etc. He was astounded. During his time off from work as a pharmacist, he plays video games. He had a girlfriend, a long time ago. I asked what was he involved with he during his time in high school. He said "Nothing." I left, and called a few people from my high school's graduating class. No one recalled who this person was. Its as if he did not exist. Its the apathy of defeat.

My new baby boy Phoenix was just born. He wakes me up at 1 and 4:40 am nightly, to feed, and to hear me talk about my life. Kids are something....a guaranteed audience for all my boring stories about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. He has 10 fingers and toes, 4 limbs, and all seems well. I hope he was born with a passion for life that never goes out. I get the feeling he's trying to tell me something. Can't wait to find out what it is.

Spoke to a guy that went to Stanford after high school and left after 2 years. He graduated from city college with a few degrees. He said he felt very inadequate at Stanford, and was constantly not fitting in. Almost had a nervous breakdown, but is doing very well now. College is like a shoe - the Air Jordans are not for everyone. Sometimes you like the sale rack better.

Back to the Future

This weekend, I was invited back to my high school to speak on career day. I had been inside my high school just twice since I graduated in 1989. The kids are so much brighter, and at the same time, the same as we were. So many did not have a career goal or choice, but knew they wanted to make money. Sounds too familiar, given my past.

Its alot like traveling back in time, and speaking to yourself. I wish we had a career day when I went to school. I wish I had some sort of guidance, but I didn't even have a guidance counselor when I was in High School. I had never even heard the words "guidance counselor."

It was a dream come true. I spoke with 3 other Alums, 2 graduated in the 80's before me, and one graduated in 1995. They expressed the same feelings about life that I had. One told me that for years he felt inferior to Stuyvestant kids. I went to college with quite a few Stuyvestant kids, and they are more or less the same as everyone else. I think it comes from the fact that Tech is always ranked behind some schools. Back then it was 3rd best. Now we are 39th the nation, and in the top 5 of New York City public schools. You know....it really doesn't matter.

The Tech students I met were very academically bright, but are not aware of career choices in the business world. Even to this day, science, mathematics, and engineering is all they are ever told about. If only they could have one class, just one 3 hour class on business careers....it would make a difference.

Alot of kids were already accepted to colleges. Some are still waiting to hear back. I tried to explain....there is no one college that will make or break you life's success. There is no one major, and rarely, is there ever a single decision that affects the rest of your life (usually who you marry or don't.) You grow physically until you are about 18, and you grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually for the rest of your life. So many students are worried about pressures from their families about majors, colleges, and careers. No one is worried about being a great human being. Non one is concerned about finding out who they are, and what they can do.

There is something very special about going to Tech. The school is hallowed grounds, like Yankee Stadium or Lambeau Field. There are 1200 students in the graduating class this year (I was told.) There are probably going to be 12 that change the world. There will be 120 that do better than survive. There rest will wander the streets of life looking for adventure or whatever comes their way.

It was a great experience, thankyou Brooklyn Tech.....once again.

On the Brink.......

After six weeks of presentations, packaging, market research, product development, etc......I reached an agreement in principle to make, market, and operate a line of male products for a famous NBA superstar. I had been working with his manager, and we shared different visions, but were able to meet in the middle. I wrote up a contract, accepting 25% of a company that I started, operated, and lost sleep over. Two days later they backed out. I was very suprised, but not disappointed. I was giving up too much to begin with, and now I know I can do it with any other athlete.

There is a voice inside all of us that we would like to get rid of. Its the voice of self doubt and pessism. Its the voice that keeps telling me to quit and go get a job. Its the voice that tells me that I can't succeed, that there is too much mountain going uphill. I've heard this voice in the past...my senior year in college, when I took 6 full time classes, worked part time, and completed a full time internship. I almost lost my mind. And I heard it again, when in my final year of my MBA, I worked full time, went to school part-time, had a wife and one child at home, and travelled for business a few times a month.

I'm lucky, I'm able to turn the volume down on that voice and turn it up on the voice that tells me to keep going, not to quit, to keep pushing, to keep striving. It developed this way while jogging. The self doubt voice is for losers. You have to keep focused on what you want, and keep moving in that direction.

Like Ali McBeal, I have a theme song. I keep singing in my head:
"I'm the cream of the crop, I rise to the top" from Jump Around. I've heard of political prisoners in solitary confinement that sang the same song to keep them going the entire time they were in solitary. Aren't we all in solitary more or less?

The Giant in the Room

I graduatd from college 14 years ago. I don't keep in touch with hardly anyone from college, and always felt that my fraternity and I didn't quite work out. Why would it? I was a poor, shy, insecure kid from Queens, and alot of these guys were well adjusted, well socialized, outspoken kids from wealthy families. I was also not a jock, but alot of these guys were more than just fully grown men in college. I always felt smaller in their presence.

• Last night I went to a Holiday get together consisting of 40 men from the fraternity. It was fantastic. I felt like a giant in the room talking with some of them. Physically, I have gained 30 lbs (mostly muscle) since college, while still keeping a slim build. Some of these guys had gained a lot of weight, where no weight needed to be gained. Some were slouched over, and lacked energy, or even personality. Some lacked spirit, some were confused. They were mostly where I was a year ago. I felt like I could pick any of these guys up with one hand. Like me, alot of them were doing well. However, most of the guys looked miserable in their jobs, and happy to be with their college buddies again. I gave a speech. Everyone laughed, everyone approached me and said I stole the show, and they didn't know how funny I was. Over the years, I've become a good public speaker.....the one thing that always seems to fascinate people. How did I go from introverted to an good impromptu public speaker?


• It was great to see how people develop. Some of the guys peaked in college. Some didn't develop after college. They were still little boys. Success and the lack of success can show on how a person speaks, walks, sits, and smiles. I like the fact that most of the guys are either married with kids or engaged. Some are remarried.


• It felt like a giant because my of my attitude and disposition. My outlook on life is noticeably positive, and it lures people (out of curiosity) to ask me about my life. Then I tell them, and they are fascinated. Questions like how did this happen to you always follow.


• You can only compare yourself to yourself. How are you today compare to 15 years ago? Did you work on all the things you needed to? Did you develop your charisma, your personality, your leadership abilities? Or are you still the same guy. We must keep evolving and growing if we are to become all that we can. We must force ourselves out of our shells. I became an English major in college because I knew I needed to improve my speaking ability, my thinking, and my writing. This is something that I can't say enough about.


• You are always judged first by the way you speak, and what you say. Your abilities are secondary. This is what separates the CEO's from the workers. Notice how dogs and horses behave. There is always a top dog, established within 30 seconds of dogs meeting each other. All other dogs follow the top dog in a delta formation. Horses are the same way. All the horses in the stable always waited for Secretariat to start eating before they started eating. And he was often late out of the barn....just like me. Happy Holidays.
  
  

Pay Attention to the Rain

Many people learn, and get nothing from a failed deal, a failed meeting, a failed business, or a failed relationship. We are fail in life, but some people have the ability to see failure as an expensive education, and other people have to repeat the class.
Indulge me......I'd like to compare life to rain.
Sometimes we know its going to rain by the color of the clouds, and the humidity in the air. Sometimes, there isn't a cloud in the sky, but suddenly a thunderstorm erupts. Then, sometimes, it hasn't rained in a while (a month or so) and everyone starts discussing how much we need rain....and miraculously...its rains. You've come to expect rain. Its natural for you to think it will rain a few days every month.

Life is the same way. Sometimes, things are not going your way, but you have to realize, that this won't last. In business, you can tell when things are going to get busy, just as you can tell when things are slowing down. Call it the air in business, or the business environment. But can you control your own business weather?
The answer is yes. Indigenuos people all over the world have always had a dance or a ceremony to make it rain. In Georgia, they are experiencing a drought, so the governor calls for a day of prayer for rain,....the next day it rains.

In business and in life, you must do your own rain dance. Perhaps you aren't aware of how you do your rain dance.......maybe you have forgotten...here are some examples:

1- A Young Lady I know is approaching 30 (fast) and wants to get married. So she spends her weekends at singles meetings, clubs, bars, dance halls, lounges, match.com, various dating websites, etc. She's goes with her friends (who are also single.) While she's out at the rain dance pow-wow, she spends the evening thinking about, complaining about, and whining about how she and her friends can't meet any men. The first rule of the rain dance is to thanks the skies for letting it about to rain....[don't complain about the lack of rain.]

2- My sales team has been spending the month (its been very slow in real estate) talking about how busy they are going to be in the Spring. This is encouraged. Most other real estate offices are talking about their lack of business. Then they get depressed and go home early. My team is expecting it to rain....and it will.

3- I had a series of meetings with investors in October. Things were going well, then they backed out, probably due to the liquidity and credit concerns in the market. While were were talking, I felt great, like this was going to materialize. After it fell through, I started to review everything we talked about. After several days, it dawned upon me that they had mentioned a name, once, many weeks ago. A guy that has expertise in my type of business's situation. So, I carefully recalled the name, then looked him up on the internet. It was a gold mine of a lead, leading to something even bigger than I could have imagined. This is like watching it rain, and staring at individual rain drops.....you have to pick out the information that you are given and see where it takes you.

Its the holidays, and so many people are depressed and thinking about suicide. Everytime I read the news, I read about a several hate crimes in New York, or how someone killed their spouse. Yes...its the Holidays, the time of year when people go crazy because they lack the love in their life to make them feel normal compared to everyone else. Everytime they turn on tv, they are reminded that its time to buy something for you loved ones. Students in high school and colleges are committing suicide are alarming rates. More and more people are reminded that they are not loved. The message of the Holidays have been lost. Its just another commercial spending spree, instead of time to share the love.

Of Mice and Men.....

The One thing I can't stand is a broken commitment. I can put up with lots of people...liars, cheaters, incompetence, etc. But, when someone looks me in the eye and shakes my hand, I consider that a commitment, and a contract.
Remember the movie Jerry McGuire? Remember when Jerry was trying to sign the #1 draft pick (The Cush played by Jerry O'Connell.) Beau Bridges says "I don't do contracts Jerry, but I give you my word and its as good as oak." Then they shake hands. All the while, Bob Sugar was signing them, and they were lying through their teeth.
These type of people don't just exist in the movies, they dwell in real life. I consider myself a great student of people, but recently, I was fooled! Someone shook my hand and promised an investment, resources, and lots of money. Then, after several weeks of jumping through hoops, .....poof! they changed their mind. Here's my take on this:
This happens to everyone. It could be a business deal, a marriage, a relationship, a parent that breaks their deal with their child, etc. Its better I find out early the type of person I'm dealing with, than come to realize it when its far too late. The more I get to know this person, the less I want to know. This person is a rat, but I'm glad I found out while he was just a mouse. So what do I do?
I can't spend any time thinking about this person, or feeling cheated. I have to move on, and focus all my energy on the next deal. Lessons learned: I can only be the type of person that I want to be, and I can't believe anyone else to have my high ideals and lofty values. The problem with Boy scouts is that they are disappearing fast.
Luckily, another door opened up right away, and its bigger and better than the last one. The more time I waste (including writing this blog about it) the less time I have to focus on the next venture.........Time waits for no man.

No Accidental Tourists

I spent a good part of this year jogging, and getting up to respectable mileage in the hopes that I could run the NYC marathon (which was yesterday.) In the end I was not selected to run (120,000 applicants for 38,000 spots.) But I learned alot about life :
1) No one ever accidentally ran the marathon. One doesn't decide the morning or the night before the marathon to run 26 miles. Its not an impulse decision that can have completion as a result. You must train with deliberate purpose.
2) Along the same line of thought, no one ever accidentally succeeds in life. If someone by luck wins the lottery, there's a chance they will end up broke within 5 years of winning. Its happened to a lot of lottery winners. You can't just accidentally build an empire, or accidentally find love and a great marriage, or accidentally raise great kids, or accidentally start a business that grows leaps and bounds. You must purposefully acheive these things in life.
3) No one accidentally becomes a billionaire....And ....no one does it by themselves. No single person became a billionaire by themselves. There's usually hundreds if not thousands of people working for the same purpose......But one person gets the title. But its takes many to help him or her get that title.
4) I was shocked recently to learn that a lot of successful people do not affiliate with their friends from their past. Now I know why. Your friends from your past will often say "help me out." Everyone will be looking for a little help when you make it big. No one will regard your success as only yours, they will say they helped you along the way. Whether they did or didn't doesn't matter, you will need a new set of people to hang out with.

I often think of myself as a poor kid from Astoria, Queens. Thats not how I think of myself anymore. These days I see myself as an up and coming New Yorker. Its sounds better, and it feels better, and perception will always be realty.
Change how you see yourself if you really want change in your life.

Puts your Guns on the Table

I'm often shocked when I hear that a student was caught with a gun at school; Or that a student was arrested for bringing a gun to school. I'm shocked because when I grew up in the 80's, alot of kids brought guns to school. It was normal. I remember being in JHS, and watching a kid pull a gun out in the cafeteria. Then another kid said "thats a puny gun", and pulled out a 9mm glock. Everyone oohed and aahhed. It was just show and tell.
In high school, and keep in mind I went to the elite Brooklyn Tech, there were plenty of guns. There were at least a dozen gangs, and hundreds of gangmembers. Quite a few of these guys brought guns to school regularly. I often felt that I needed a gun on the subway. Once, on the senior ski trip, my roommate brought a 44 caliber hand gun. It was cool.
No one ever actually used the gun. Sometimes, they didn't have bullets. But knowing that there was a likelihood that the other person had a gun made you less likely to pull yours out.
These days, it seems that only the mentally ill have guns at school. No one normal brings a gun to school anymore. And now, schools have security and metal detectors. Twenty years ago you just walked in to school, knives, guns, brass knuckles, etc. Kids used to fight other kids. These days, they are shooting at the system, which includes kids they do not know, teachers, professors, etc. Twenty years ago, kids got into real fights, against other kids that they knew personally, and had arguments over girls, boys, name calling, etc. These fights were 30 seconds, someone pulled out a gun, everyone ran.
I look at Virginia Tech, SJU, Columbine, and see kids fighting the system. Its so different. Its overall safer now, but more crazy. I never worried about a lone gunman randomly shooting me or my classmates. I was concerned that I might accidentally step on someone's sneakers on a crowded subway, and that might lead to trouble.
Its just very different today. I really don't follow the news anymore. Its often crass, depressing, and draining. The media plays on fear and sells advertising based on fear content. I worked for an NBC news affiliate and spent 4 years writing in high school and college newspapers, and now I avoid the news. The news is that the more things change, the crazier things get.

IF WE ARE RELATED....WE SHALL MEET

My favorite book is "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill. I consider this a must read. Napoleon Hill ends the book by saying that if we are related (in thought, destiny, desire, etc.) we shall meet in this life, on this earth. How true. People are like magnetic fragments floating down a stream. Sooner or later, the like pieces find each other and cling to each other. You end up having clusters of magnets, some that attract each other, some that repel each other. Which brings me to my point....
Why do I keep bumping into some people time and time and time again? There are people from high school that have I have bumped into accidentally throughout the past 20 years. There is no one from college that I have accidentally bumped into, although much more people from SUNY Albany live in the New York metro area. I often try to discover what we have in common, why the magnetic pull of gravity has us heading on a collision course. Sometimes its easy to figure out.....I start thinking about someone from my past, and out of the blue I'm having coffee or drinks with that person. Sometimes its not so easy......I kept bumping into a high school classmate several times after high school, until it lead to a get together that gave me the idea to start my Men's skincare business.
Then there is the opposite...why can't I get rid of some people? Its because there is still something pulling us together....some common desire or thought or unresolved issue. Perhaps I keep bumping into this person because I do not know the answer yet, and when I do, I won't have to keep hearing from this person.
Complex yet true. So why not bump into the people you want to? Why not think about the person or people that you would like to actually meet. I started thinking about Bill and Hillary Clinton, and 4 months later met them. I watch 30 Rock and NBC, started thinking how funny Tina Fey is and how I would like to meet her....and voila! My son gets a call to be an extra on 30 Rock and I'm with him staring at Tina Fey (who is actually very serious.) My wife watches friends every night, she is still obsessed with the Ross and Rachel relationship, and voila....today she is with my son meeting David Schwimmer (he's doing a scene with him.) This continues to happen. I sit and think about meeting people that can help and guide me to the next step .....and it always happens.......I find myself having lunch with the CEO of a large cosmetics company. Did I have to travel far? We met by an introduction from my landlord (at the office) who knew him from golf......and we meet across the street from my office.
Perhaps we can't rid ourselves of the people in our lives because all we do is think about them, whether negative or positive. We can't mentally let go of them, so they can't physically leave. Like ghosts......like memories.
I also noticed today that people that keep birds as pets in a cage....rarely leave their house.

Whats on your mind?

Have you ever stopped to keep track of what you spend your day thinking about? The mind works in a mysterious way. Whatever you think about when you are not thinking about anything, is usually what you have the most of in your life. Example - let say you spend your entire day thinking about your career or work....chances are work is the most important thing in your life. What if you spend your entire day thinking about your partner or children? Then this is probably the biggest part of your life. What if you spend most of the day thinking about your debts, failures, or things not going your way? Aside from making yourself miserable, your likely to just bury yourself more in debt or failures.
I started to do the reverse, I started to daydream about a better life. I started to picture myself in a yellow lamborghini, I started to picture myself in a beautiful house, I started to dream about a bank account with millions of dollars in it. Every time my emotions changed to negative or neutral, I made a shift. I immediately started to think about a more prosperous life. Somedays it was easy to do this, some days it was really hard. Sometimes loud music helped, sometimes jogging outdoors helped. But slowly, over a period of several months, I'm able to spend most of my days daydreaming about a fantasy life.
The ramifications are mind boggling....I started to see more lamborghinis (some yellow.) I went my whole life without seeing one, and now I see one a week. Then I started seeing opportunities that I never saw before, leading to making hundreds of thousands within several months. And it gets easier and easier every week. The more I daydream, the more I live my daydreams. It happens to everyone. And its not magic. Its logic. Change the way you think to change the direction of your life. If you don't believe me, try this ........ Spend 1 hour a day daydreaming about being thin. Without a doubt, you will start to make healthy eating choices and you may even start excercising. Same thing about money, love, sex, etc. You are always in control of seeing that which has always been right in front of you.

Can you change a bad decision made 20 years ago?

We all make bad decisions. I use to spend a lot of time thinking and wishing that I hadn't made some of the decisions that I made. Maybe you understand exactly what I mean. I wasn't full of regret, I just really wished that I could go back and reverse some decisions or actions. And yet, I was finally able to do it after figuring out how to do it.
We can't really go back in time. But we can effect the emotional outcome of a bad decision. A few years ago, I started thinking about a friend of mine in junior high school and high school. We were close friends, but we got involved with different groups of friends, and wound up treating each other like strangers. Whats more remarkable is that while we were close friends, things were going very well for me. After we were no longer friends, it created a lot of awkward accidental encounters. After 18 years, I tracked my friend down, and over lunch, I apologized for the way things were. I expressed how I felt, and how I regretted that we weren't friends. He said he felt the same way. I immediately felt relieved, and felt free of that bad decision.
Here's another example: I always regretted some of the decisions I made in high school about organizations I did not join, colleges I did not apply to, etc. I recently actually gave advice to some high school students (from my high school) to help them avoid the pitfalls of my own student career. It did wonders for me. The next day I woke up feeling that I actually never made those decisions. It felt great. By helping others, I helped myself.
The other way to do this, is to give yourself some slack. Accept that you're human, and don't be hard on yourself. The rest of the world is already hard on us, why ad to your own burdens. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself, and find a positive in the bad decision. There's always one.
The key is to find people that helped you along the way, that provided something positive, or that you were close to during the good times of your life. That's what you need more of. You don't really need to find anyone that was negative or was around you when things were not going well. I can't put my finger on it, but its a combination of the right people that we need to surround ourselves with in order for things to change and go in the right direction. Some people can just add to your good fortune, while others will subtract. We often don't know who's who.

1%

I wake up every day believing that today I will do one thing to move closer to my goals. Just one thing. I will add 1% effort toward moving closer to my goals. A friend of mine has seen me struggle and face near bankruptcy and complete failure in the past years. The entire time, this friend kept suggesting that I close up and quit. He suggested that I should cut my losses and go find a job. That's not who I am as a person. If were to have quit and go get a job, I would not only admit that I couldn't make it business, but I would move in the direction of more unhappiness. Its a double whammy.
Who are you as a person? What lengths would you go to in order to succeed or to get to your goals? What do you believe is your destiny? Are you doing everything you can to get to your destiny? Most people I know start, and then get discouraged. Life can be discouraging. If you stop and thought about all the situations that did not go your way, you would get pretty depressed. I'm not allowed to do that. I don't allow myself to focus on my failures or my rejections. I make an effort to reminisce about the times I have succeed, or the times that I overcame insurmountable odds.
We have the power to wallow in the mire of self-doubt. We also have the power to dream about a being wealthy, happy, and secure. Its a choice. And it takes effort. A person can easily slip into confusion or depression by thinking about their shortcomings. We all have shortcomings, whats the point in reminding ourselves about this?
In 2004, I had the hardest year of my life financially. I went 8 months without any income, having just started my real estate office. At the end of year, I was prepared to evaluate and close up if I felt in my heart that I couldn't make it work. Instead, I asked my self, what do I need in order to make this work? I then went out and hired more agents, and re-tooled my strategy. The following year, I made more money that I ever made my entire life. And the year after that was even better. Thank goodness I gave it more time. It worked out. I had to do some tweaking, but it worked out great.
What kind of a person are you? Have you ever been tested? Have you ever looked in the mirror and forgotten who you are and where you've come from? Do you spend 30 minutes a day thinking about all the good things in your life, and how close you are to where you want to be? Sometimes, with a minor adjustment in your strategy or thought process, you can get to your destination, just a little closer to you destination. I think about throwing a pebble in the Hudson River. What if I threw a pebble in the same location every day? Sooner or later I would start to change the course of the river. 1% every day is my pebble.

Passion

• Its hard to get great results doing something that you are not passionate about. Sometimes we want top results but we don't give 110% effort or enthusiasm. How can we expect a better result, pay, bonus, review, or a better relationship, better friendship, better anything....if we don't put in 110%? A friend of mine went on several job interviews for jobs that he didn't want. He wanted the money, not the job. He was not passionate about his career, he was passionate about getting more money so that he can pay more bills. Needless to say he didn't get any of the jobs.
• Its hard to fake being passionate about your work, or your relationships. Why not just find something you are really passionate about, and find a way to make money doing what you love?
• Example- I was always fascinated with real estate. I remember being 12 years old, looking through the real estate classifieds, and learning to calculate profit and loss on multifamily dwelling rental properties. I did this from when I was 12 until I was 30. I spent my Sunday mornings searching for properties in the Daily News, even though I was 12. I guess I was fascinated with my parent's landlord - a Greek immigrant that owned several apartment buildings in Astoria, Queens. I also loved going to collect rent with my uncle and grandparents who owned buildings in Brooklyn. Imagine me,12 years old, and collecting rent. What a rush!
• When I was 26 I bought a 6-family building in Brooklyn and sold it for a huge profit 2 years later. But instead of re-investing the money in my passion for real estate, I sank it and lost it in the stock market - which I was never passionate about. I listened to others advise me about money, when I should have followed my heart.
• Several years go by, and I open my real estate office, re-discovering the boyhood passion I had lost. Now, I'm in the midst of a few real estate short sales, flips, and I am looking to buy a shopping plaza. I'm also selling my house for more than twice what I paid for it, and buying a new house in long island for 35% below market value. The boy in me is alive and kicking, and its an incredible feeling to wake up looking forward to going to work and finding new ways to make money. I'm looking forward to collecting rent again.
• Some of us don't know what we're passionate about. I'm passionate about making money from real estate. But I spent years at jobs in apparel, retail, and planning. Why did I deny myself my passion? Its makes no sense to me at all. The same friend I mentioned is passionate about physical fitness, martial arts, helping young people, and entertainment. But instead, he's looking for a job in the exciting world of purchasing. After he finds a job in this field, he's going to start losing interest in about 4 months, and start giving less and less of an effort. Then he's going to look for another job, probably in the equally exciting world of accounting. My suggestion? This fellow needs to do what he loves on the weekends or nights, until he can find a way to make money at it. If he's passionate about martial arts, then he's going to be great at it, and people will automatically start asking for private lessons or for him to open a school. It will work out, it always does because one's level of passion determines one's level of commitment and enthusiasm. He's also passionate about entertainment, but he does nothing to submerse himself in that field in order to learn the entertainment business. His excuse is the same as everyone else's - I don't have the time, I don't have the money, my spouse is holding me back, etc. The only thing stopping him is fear. Fear of change, Fear of success.
• Its always hard to stop a Corvette going 90 miles an hour. Its always easy to stop a beat up Chevy going 20 miles an hour. When you're passionate about something, you're like a fast sports car. Besides, who wants to be a beat up Chevy their whole life?

Don't Live a Mediocre Life

• At some point in our life we become accustomed to mediocrity. A mediocre cup of coffee. A mediocre raise. A mediocre performance at work. A mediocre relationship. We know that we are capable of putting out excellence, but why bother? We know we can do so much more with our lives...but for what result? I know someone that is fed up with living in mediocrity, but is scared to do something about it. Change is hard, especially, when you are the one that needs to be changed. Life can get away from you if you don't steer in the direction that you want to go.
• Ever drive your car without holding the steering wheel? In a matter of seconds you're headed in a direction that you did not choose. Same with life. Going through life without making a decision is the same thing. If you didn't decide to be unhappy, or poor, or unsuccessful, or where you are today, then you got here because you simpy didn't make a decision (didn't hold the steering wheel.) Some of my friends are Ivy Leaguers, or have masters degrees, or have lots of money, but can't steer in the direction of their desire.
• Make a decision. Decide to be happy. Decide to be a success. Decide to be rich. Decide to help people that need your help. Decide to move every day at least one step in the direction that you WANT to move in. Take control of your destiny. Take control of your steering wheel. Decide where to go, and do one thing every day to move in that direction. If you can't do anything, start by visualizing your happiness for half an hour daily. Thats a pretty powerful start. Keep a journal to keep track of your movement in the direction of your choosing. Hands on the steering wheel starting today. This is how I started. This is how I got here. It works.

What do You really Want ?

• For a long time, I did not know what I really wanted. I had a vague concept, and a vague image, and that was all. Many of my friends are in the same boat, even midway through their 30's. I ask so many people what do you want, and so many say "I'm not sure", or "I really don't know." Or worse, I get "I want to be successful" or "I want more money" or "I want to get married." No one ever really answers "I want happiness."
• Shouldn't we always really want more happiness. Here is my solution. Find out what really makes you happy. Not happy for 15 minutes, but what really makes you happy over a stretch of time. Make a list today of how you would like to live your life. For me, it meant running, swimming, more vacations, spending time with my wife and children. Only problem was that I was in a corporate job, making 6 figures, and couldn't do any of the things I wanted to do. I had the weekends only, and they were jammed with activities and errands. Out of 168 hours a week, I would spend 3 hours (max) doing something that made me happy.
• Your picture of happiness needs to be clear. Maybe its in a great relationship, maybe its making more money, maybe its working with a charity. Mine was freedom of time. So I started my own business, and made it work. I didn't have to start my own business, I could have sold real estate or mortgages or something else with a flexible schedule. But I wanted to be the boss, as well. If your picture of happiness includes your current job, that's perfect. Then all you need to do is decide what is missing from your happiness.
• Stop waiting for all your ducks to be lined up in a row. So many people say "First I have to finish school" or "First I need to make more money" or "First I need to lose weight". These are excuses that prevent you from actually being happy. Some of us don't have the courage to admit that we are afraid to take a risk, and even afraid to be happy. How can you be afraid to be happy? When you've grown accustomed to being unhappy for a long time, it becomes comfortable, and familiar. Anything else is Terra incognito.
• One day I decided that spending more time at work won't make me happy. When I was younger, I never cut school, never called out sick to work, never took a mental health day. These days, I go to the beach when I need a day off. Or I'll walk the streets of Fort Greene or the East Village. I can't explain why this makes me happy, I only know that it does. You shouldn't have to explain your happiness. Every morning I have a routine. I make breakfast for the kids (something fun), take them to school while listening to loud dance music. Then I exercise for an hour. This makes me happy for the rest of the day.
• Recently, I took the subway for the first time in a long time. I couldn't believe how unhappy and miserable 99% of the people on the subway appeared. Everyone had bags under their eyes, and no color in their face. I was shocked and started to wonder if I ever looked like that. Its hard to believe it was only 4 years ago that I was one of these people.
• Be warned, we tend to sabotage our own happiness to please other people. Instead of doing what we want to do, someone will always remind us, that we shouldn't be doing this, or what about the bills, or what about the mortgage. You have to believe that you will find a way to pay for the life style that you really want. Why? Because if you really want it, you can always find a way to pay for it. For me, I heard a voice in my head talking me out doing the things that I wanted to do. It was my father or my mother saying "Money doesn't grow on trees" and "You have to be more responsible." Bullshit. Do I really want to end up in the same financial situation as my hardworking parents? No, I wanted to be happy and rich. I was going to follow a different path.

NEXT: CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE ABOUT MONEY IN ORDER TO GET MORE MONEY